#MCR100Days - My Experience

Taken from my IG post (https://www.instagram.com/p/BYZT9CqBJRx/)

❝ #mcr100days I can't believe it's been 100 days. One of the worst nights of my entire life. Even though I couldn't bring myself to watch the documentary tonight I still wanted to say something. If someone had told me at 17 I would have had two near death experiences in a year I would never have believed them. But that's what has happened. DWT Manchester was supposed to be a massive night for me, a night where I finally got to see the woman who has been a massive influence in my life ever since I was 12 years old, the woman who I had been a fan of for years, but had never seen live. That I got but what happened afterwards changed my memories of it and my life forever. I felt true fear that I had never experienced before, I felt like my life was cursed, that I was going to die. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think about this night. I remember the arena falling silent, telling myself it was probably pyrotechnics as I looked up two floors to where the sound had come from, making eye contact with a staff member stood next to me for some reassurance but the only look on her face was shock and that confirmed everything for me. The moments after that were are blur, everyone running, screaming and jumping over the sides of seating blocks, several feet off the ground to get in to an exit. I was terrified, all I could think was that gunmen would enter, that it would be the end for us all as we were all just stood there, trapped in these exits. But luckily none of that happened. I was extremely lucky. I got out physically unharmed, seeing nothing, only hearing what had happened. After, I remember running in the opposite direction as fast as I could, getting separated, almost leaving the city completely, facetiming Indie in a panic as I couldn't get hold of anyone, as I had no idea where to go. Her helping me contact people, shocked by what had happened as we were facetiming not even five minutes before. In the weeks afterwards I remember getting terrified at every loud sound, getting ready to run every time I heard anything, it still happens occasionally. But 100 days on I feel like my life is finally starting to get back to normal. I went to my first concert last week after the DWT/One Love and I loved every second of it. But I couldn't have done it without the support of everyone and Ariana for standing up against hatred and fear, without her I might still be sat in my house terrified. Even though I was extremely lucky it still effected me & my heart goes out to everyone who wasn't as lucky as I was and the families of the 22 who lost their lives. You all are stronger than I can even comprehend. If anyone who was there that night needs someone to talk to, I want you to know I am here and there is nothing to be ashamed about. You shouldn't be ashamed about still being effected by what happened but you should know that you'll get though it and I am beginning to. ❞